Today, I did something that I think I should record down. Record for what purposes? I have no idea at all. It's not exactly the thing that I would do.
The thing I hate most is my over concerned boss always like to ask me if I can cope with my new job? How do I feel? So on and so forth. The truth is I don't really like what I was assigned to but those things are my job scope as what they said. The thing is, I never work in a small scale company before. My previous job, I only do those field I am assign to do. But now, every single thing also I have to do. It's just like they throw every single thing to you and expect you to deliver it without any problem. Of course there is someone to guide, but then I feel that the person need to do double work to check if I did correctly. It's so troublesome and I makes me don't feel good at all. It's like I am the huge burden. I know I need to pickup fast but then if there is no proper guidelines and procedure, I really don't even know how to start. I don't even know how to convey my TRUE feeling to boss. It's not my nature for me to tell the truth.
But I did it today. When my boss ask if I enjoy working here. I answer not really. I even told him, I don't enjoy working but that's my job, and I will do whatever I NEED to do. He must have got the shock of his life when he heard me. I always wonder, what do you mean you enjoy doing your work? Passion? What was that? I feel like my working life is like the life of a robot. I'll do whatever the master demand me to do.
Why am I like this? I have no idea. It seems like I don't have any direction of where am I suppose to go to? I don't want to live my life like this but what can I do? Where to find my true passion.
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